Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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