Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We left the knife in your bed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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