i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
