just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
