just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
