i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
