I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sorry about my life...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
