I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
