I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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