I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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