Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
