I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
