he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
