I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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