remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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