You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Text me some of your sweat
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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