Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
