do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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