oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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