i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
