you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
