u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
