of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
