I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
