Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
