I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
