toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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