Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
