You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
