You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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