My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Where is the hickey?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
