the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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