i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
