party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
