We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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