Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
