So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
