I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Go christen that room with your naked body.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
