I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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