You really coming over, don't trick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
