I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
