youre lurking in front of me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
