She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
