I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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