I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
