..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
