There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i out mim tonsoeep
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
