So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
