My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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