He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
