As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
