So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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