Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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