So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
