your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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