I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
