someone get that fucking seahorse.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
