So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
